my mouth tastes like poor choices
the day after is always just damage control
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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