dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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