Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
