My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
