do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
