Can i not drive my cunt home
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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