the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
