we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
