is your mom at the bar?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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