After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
