I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
