I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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