and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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