tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
