Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
