The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
