I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
