Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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