I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
