so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
