Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
third nipple confirmed
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
