Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize