I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
