He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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