Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
