imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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