Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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