I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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