i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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