Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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