She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
