Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize