She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
