she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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