I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
