Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
