i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This toilet bowl is my home.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
