i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
