farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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