Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
