Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
