I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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