Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
