If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
