Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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