So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My dick has a subreddit
These tits shall not be calmed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
