Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
