i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
