Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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