im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
