THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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