I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
40s are totally the cure
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's get the cat blown out
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
