You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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