Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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