You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
