Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
