I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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