fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
