I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You can't just leave with hair like that
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
