Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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