I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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