I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
