sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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