I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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