My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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