he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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